A New Chapter.

Hey little one,

Already, we have waited for you for quite some time and I can’t believe I am looking down at my growing belly and feeling your little fluttering kicks. It still doesn’t seem real even though we looked at the +3 week positive pregnancy test early March and now I am past midway at 21 weeks. God bless everything goes smoothly and in November we get to hold you in our arms. I can’t wait to see the look on your daddy’s face when he sees you for the first time. My husband is the best gift I can give our future child as I know he will be an amazing father. My body has been changing in ways I didn’t think were possible. Just for you little one.

The journey here has not been easy. I think I have grown such a barrier of protection, after the countless negative tests that you try to coupe with the best way possible. We did all kinds of testing and there was nothing wrong with either of us, which made the process that much harder. Sometimes, infertility is unexplained which leaves you with no answers. Last year we had a glimmer of hope, but it was washed away with a miscarriage followed by an overwhelming degree of sadness that you force yourself to push through. Children’s birthdays felt hard, it is a dark cloud, even though you have a support group around you, it is something you need to grow from, on your own. However, those who have ever suffered from miscarriage know the type of scars it can leave you; you become scared with the sight of blood and you are left with worry, of it happening again. There is the fear of the unknown, that is unsettling. Siena has been a therapeutic addition to the family, as they say, animals often are. I was worried I would be left bitter and not happy for others’ growing families, until I realized I just needed time to let myself heal from all the pain.

I watched others’ grow their families, feeling sorry for myself and getting used to the idea that maybe we weren’t meant to have our own biological children. I kept thinking that maybe because we have such a good relationship, that is what was meant for us, as you can never get everything you wish for. We both agreed that we would still live a happy life together, just the two of us designing a new kind of life full of travels and adventure if that was in the cards for us. Still deep down, neither of us lost hope and luckily with a lot of patience and perseverance, we are here today, ready for a new chapter in our lives. Going through all these tough times together with my husband has taught us many important life lessons and brought us together in a different kind of way.

Looking at the future, I can only hope that we can be the parents that you deserve. We promise to guide you through life in the best way we can. We will let you make your own way but will never be too far behind to catch you if you fall. You are already, so loved little boy.

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