A beautiful, but scary Journey towards Motherhood.
At week twenty-four, my belly is growing larger and life inside me is reminded by little kicks throughout the day. The passing of DNA to the next generation feels surreal and as days go by, the bond between baby and I keep growing stronger. I notice myself rubbing my belly when I’m about to go to sleep, sending positive vibes to the little one inside. It seems like yesterday we found out we were having you. The memory brings tears to my eyes. I was so afraid to take the pregnancy test, afraid of what the future might hold. Afraid of my inadequacy to be a mother but all the fear was coated with an overwhelming degree of joy.
Now that the first trimester is well past behind; the constant nausea, tiredness, bleeding and fears have slowly faded to the background, making the second phase of pregnancy much more enjoyable. I’m not going to lie, sometimes I’m struggling to recognize the shape of my new body. The expanding breasts and waist line, the weight at a constant rise on the scale and the overall uncomfortableness the body feels can easily cause a little bit of insecurity. However, I personally feel more relaxed and accepting that this is actually happening and as days go by, my confidence grows. I know I will carry a degree of fear with me till the birth of our child, but I’m learning to soak in the positives too. I feel that the relationship I have with my body is a critical component of a happy and healthy pregnancy, and a healthy pregnancy is what we all hope and pray for.
I’m grateful for my body that is providing a safe space for our little baby that is adapting to his needs. Once you are able to enjoy glimpses of this journey, it is by far the most beautiful experience one could ever be a part of. This goes not just for mothers, but for fathers as well. It’s one of the most unique and special types of bonding and love that exists and I’m eternally grateful I am living it right now. It is normal to have tough moments throughout this journey, physically and mentally, after all your hormones and body keep changing. I sometimes feel vulnerable about life with a newborn and the uncertainty of not knowing what to do and perhaps doing things wrong. This I hear, is a common fear of new parents and you just gradually learn along the way.
I’ve started to wonder what you will look like; will you have my husband’s thick hair or my deep blue eyes. Will he be tall, like everyone else in our family and will he have a need for speed, just like his father? Your existence in this world has shown me so much already and you haven’t even taken your first breath on earth. Deep down, I hope and pray that you are just like your daddy. He loves fiercely, works whole heartedly and is the most loyal and trustworthy man there is. He is my hero and he will be yours too. I still can’t believe I’m in the sixth month of pregnancy already, time goes by so quickly, it really makes you want to savor the moment.